God, if I could have one wish, one single preyer that would come true, it would be to not feel like this.
I feel sick with saddness.
What the fuck am I supposed to do when I can't even express what is happening to me.
"They" say that talking helps, relieves some of the pressure, the loneliness. But I have no one to talk to. No fucking one at all. I've tried talking to my parents in desperation but it's in one ear and out the other. If they even hear me at all. My mother never remembers and my dad just tells me not to be so deep.
So being shallow is the answer?
I can't even find a shrink to talk to that I can afford.
And fuck I'm aching.
I'm so lonely.
I have no life. I can't help myself when the fear and the ugliness has me bound to the confines of my so called home.
If I could scream, if it would do any good, I would.
I'm just so fucking tired. I try so hard. I honestly try so hard to be a good person. That's all I want in life.
But as soon as I reach out, I get a door slammed in my face.
I know I'm being self-indulgent, egotistical, feeling oh so sorry for myself, but fuck it.
I'm going to give up on me now too.
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